I usually try to check my email really quick before I leave for the day. When I got up to leave for the weekend yesterday I opened my online email account and a reminder popped up. It was a annual reminder of my Grandpa Brewer’s death. I usually try to call grandma and tell her that I am thinking of him and her on that day. I stood on stage at the new student center Friday night and led worship at Believe with Grandpa on my mind. It was an emotional night for me because I was back home in Indiana, I had so many close friends and family visiting for the weekend and mainly, I’m always emotional at Indiana Believe. We had to move the event from Reardon auditorium to the new wellness center because of large numbers in the last months of registration. It had been a tradition for me and some of the tech guys to just stay in the basement of the auditorium on Friday night instead of trekking back to the hotel. Well, last night Chase and I slept on air mattresses on the floor of the girl’s locker room. It hit me as I laid there what Andy Schroeder said to me as I talked to him about Believe a few years back. Andy told me, at that time, that the hardest part of the weekend for him was when the event was over and the churches would leave so quickly. Often times, event guys, or even worship leaders are so attracted to community. I write about this often. I notice it in myself. Andy said that, “those were lonely times of tearing down and heading out after such a mountain top experience”. I have always remembered that and thought about my viewpoint during tear down in relation to Andy’s. As Mark and I sit on this plane tonight, Mark made a comment along the same lines. He talked about blogging this week on standing in front of 3000 students and how much impact he could make in their life from that position. Mark’s point was that while it is an unforgettable experience with major Spiritual impact on the students lives, the smaller the group the larger the influence one can have upon them. (I have now forgotten where I was because Kevin Greer keeps on nodding off and I am going to try and scare him next time he nods off.) I don’t think I feel alone on this tour very often. Jarret Heaston (formally keys with FR) and Josh Owings (formally drums with FR) visited this weekend with their wives and perhaps that is why I am thinking about this stuff right now. Or perhaps it is, as Jen said, I am a completely emotional person. I called grandma last night after our main worship set and just wanted to tell her that I missed grandpa and she was not alone in her feelings today. I told Jen that in my attempt to comfort grandma I ended up crying on the phone and laughing with grandma that I actually called to make her feel better. Ha! I disagreed with Mark in this way: I think we have the unique opportunity to experience the best of both worlds. While standing in this unique vantage point we share it with a small group of people. This morning we had our “goodbye” service before doors opened. Mark shared some gifts and words to specific people and then we prayed over some others. We have had the time to be in intimate relationships with our small tour family and see 17,000 jr high students at the same time. It was cool. That is not a very profound way to explain the last nine months but it is all that comes to mind right now. Mark is off to Prague for a Sabbatical. Our dancers will be dropped off in St. Louis. Jason will be leaving for his summer Japan trip. Brock will be doing something completely awesome I am sure! I have been doing this a long time. I guess in some weird way when it is time for load out and all of the churches are gone I still feel like Jarret is putting up his keyboard rig. If I think to hard I can hear Mike Rodgers goofing off or Andy Bales laughing at Robbie doing some funny voice. I can even see Grandpa walking around the Ridge company. As Chase and I slept in this empty building where 3000 kids were just jumping around I kind of came to a place where I understand my feelings on Schroeder’s quote. All of these wonderful people who have walked this road with me at one time or another will always be with me at load out. I like load out. It is like the calm after the storm. It is peaceful. I am always looking over my shoulder for Josh to be tossing a roll of gaffer’s tape or something. Heaven is going to be an incredible place. I can’t wait to worship with you again Grandpa. I have a ton of friends to introduce to you. I miss you.

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