Reality is

The greatest Valentines Day Gift I could give my wife . . . I know some of you were quite fearful of reading on . . . but you did because you are sick like that. Tomorrow morning I will attempt to hold back the three boys who live at my house. They can sniff out a sleeping Mommy. They just feel it in their deepest being. It is as if I can actually here them saying to themselves, “Hey, is my Mommy sleeping? I will not have it! Wake up woman! Wake up and get me something! Anything, just wake up!”.

I announced my ambitious plans to my wife on the eve of Valentine’s Day: “Honey, I am going to wake up and make you breakfast in the morning while you sleep in. What do you want for breakfast?”

- “biscuits and gravy would be great.” (only a small hint of skepticism heard in her voice)

. . . “Honey, how do you make biscuits and gravy, I mean, if you were going to do it? I know how I would do it. I am just wondering how you would do it is all.”

Please hold your applause. While I did have the best of intentions it didn’t exactly work out. I pictured her sleeping in and waking up to breakfast in bed. I wanted to hear her say that she was completely refueled. Of course, I am a guy and that would be me ‘fixing’ something. How I long to fix things.

Let’s just say it was rough. My youngest son, Finnley, was in his chair yelling some of the most unintelligible things I have ever heard. I have had animals communicate more clearly their desires than the interaction I was experiencing with my son. Jen came out into the kitchen, “He is asking for a drink and his blanky.” I don’t think a team of voice analyzers could have broken that code. Mom knew what he was saying.

For about two weeks the commercials have been playing telling all of us how perfect this holiday should be. Reality is actually better than the picture we see portrayed to us on television. I would be homicidal if I had to live in a Hallmark ad.

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1 comment:

Ryan Claborn said...

Did she give you a recipe? Just in case, here's mine.

Fry the sausage (or bacon, anything that will create some grease - and it doesn't have to be a lot of grease) in the pan until it is as crispy as you want it. While you're doing that, mix flour and water in a small bowl or jar (that has a sealable lid). You'll need to shake it well to disperse the flour evenly. It's probably about a 4 to 1 (water to flour) mixture, you could go with 3 to 1 if you wanted.

Take sausage out of the pan, reduce heat to medium. Put just a little bit of water into the skillet (I mean like a couple of ounces) to loosen the grease/drippings from the sausage. Pour thick water/flour mixture into pan and start stiring (I recommmend a fork for this, let's stuff slide through it and helps break up lumps).

Now you'll want to add more water and more flour as this heats and you have to stir constantly to avoid lumps (and sometimes it happens anyway). Don't let it get too hot too quickly. Keep adding flour and water until you've got as much gravy as you want. Season with salt and pepper. Depending on how much grease your sausage left you may need a lot of seasoning to get the flavor right. I usually keep mixing my flour and water in the bowl before I put it in the skillet, this helps keep lumping issues to a minimum.

The biscuits are fairly easy, either use the bisquick recipe or buy a can.

When the gravy is done (let it simmer for a few minutes after you think you've got as much as you want and it's seasoned right, don't rush it if you can avoid it) either put the sausage back into the gravy and stir it up or just serve with sausage on the side (links or patties don't usually go back in, small chunks go in nicely).

One other thing you can do if you like your gravy thick is add some cornstarch. I haven't done this much and would go easy on the cornstarch (a little goes a long way). I'd mix it in with the 2nd or 3rd flour/water mixture. This will help it to thicken as it heats. The gravy will thicken on its own as it cools after you turn the burner off.

I don't recommend making gravy if you are trying to do other things at the same time. The timing is critical when you make the switch from sausage to flour & water in the pan. If you scorch it you'll have to start over. I also recommend buying a mix packet at wal-mart just in case the "from scratch" version goes south.

My wife was skeptical too until I busted this out a few months ago. Dad was in charge of the mess hall in the Army, so I had him teach me a few things growing up.

So as not to miss the actual point of your post, good plan, I'm sure she really appreciated it. Things like that will probably be a little easier as the boys get older...maybe. But what do I know?